Finding that first high... again

We all remember our first show right?

And for the most part that huge buzz right after, how the world seemed like a great place, and everything was fun again... your shitty job didn't matter, your failing relationship didn't matter, your crippling debts didn't matter.... or maybe that was just me.

But admit it, that first show was epic.  It may not have been the best show dramatically, but it's up there with one of the most thrilling things you've ever done.

So.


Now it's 13 years later.

The buzz has dwindled.  Sure, you get that high from time to time, but it's never like that first time.  The freebie.  The one that got you hooked.

You get little bursts of joy living vicariously through newer players.  From seeing others find their feet the way you did.
But it's just not the same.

You become placid.  The nerves never come just before a show anymore.  You go through the motions.  You fall out of love.  You fall back in love.  You get stuck in rutts.  You flounder.  You freeze.  You become a loose canon.  You become a steam roller.  You never enter the scene.  You make crazy choices.  You make no choices.  You make shit up.  You still make shit up, but it's just not the same.  You take a step back.

And realise.  You still love it.  The thrill will always be changing, but there's still a thrill there.  Play, play with your friends.

Just play.

....and keep learning.  Never stop learning. It will help you learn to love again.